Settled down.

I used to have a thousand blog topics running through my head. That was, until I got married. I know, you hear it from everyone, "Once you get married your life will change. You'll never have the same life again." And you know what, that's exactly right!

Those six years I had of being single and free were amazing! I got to travel across the country, answer to no one, make my own schedule, and life was so fast-paced. I remember performing every other weekend and going home on the other weekends if I didn't have any food left.

Now I have certain amount of vacation days, and a hungry husband at dinnertime. You're probably thinking the negative way. And I'm sure some people take it in a negative way for their own lives! But me--not a chance. Getting married was the best thing I've ever done. 

I love having someone to take care of me--and only me. (While that lasts!)

I love not going to bed alone. 

I love going on crazy adventures because we aren't in the dating stage anymore. 

I love having someone that counts on me for their everyday life. 

I love decorating our own place.

I love staying up late and laughing about weird things.

I love having someone to talk to when things don't go as planned.

I love dreaming about what our future will be like.

Now, even though I loved my life before I met my husband, I couldn't imagine life without him. He's been gone on a business trip these last couple of days, and man--his personality brings so much joy into my life! I'm that wife that counts down the hours to when I can see him again. Only 24 more to go. So many people tell their friends their husband is their "best friend," but when I say he's my best friend--for real, HE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

I've finally settled down with my best friend.

The biggest lesson.

I have learned one very big, important lesson since being married.

That getting married isn't your solve-all end for every problem in your life.

Okay, so that may be dramatic. I'll be the first to admit my life really isn't that hard. I know that's not normal. You don't have to be the millionth to tell me. But I will tell you, that I do go through hard things. 

I do have problems that just make me want the Second Coming to happen right now. And I'm sure that's not normal either...joke! Seriously, everyone is apt to tons of nasty stuff. So of course, just like I thought when I was thirteen, I thought for sure that all of my problems would go away when I got married. Obviously because someone loved me enough to live with me, and start a family with me, that nothing else mattered. Well, there is some truth to that. However...

I had a really hard time the month after I got married. (Which was like, last month.) I thought for sure it was the birth control that was making me extra emotional, and feeling like I was failing as a wife already! I called my doctor, and told her I needed to get on a lower dose of estrogen because I was being weird. Well, she told me I was on the lowest dose they had. DANG IT. 

So, I had to figure out something else. I prayed and prayed some more. A question soon came to my mind, "When was the last time I wrote in my journal?" From that little thing--let me tell you, that thought changed everything. It lead me to think about the stuff I had completely left behind in my single life to move to my married life. And you know what all that stuff was?

Everything. I had completely let go of all of my hobbies, and anything that made me happy. (Of course, Kasey makes me happy! But you all know what I mean.) I hadn't even touched a piano or sang a note in two months. I hadn't even written a thing in my journal since our wedding day, and still had my missionary scriptures packed in a box somewhere. iPhone scriptures are just not the same.

Once I realized this was the issue, I got myself an hour on a friend's piano, sat down before work to write in my journal, and put my missionary scriptures on my nightstand to study from. Who woulda thought that would have made all the difference? Just those little changes have made me feel like myself again. I'm able to be a better wife because I take a few minutes to myself everyday. This blog, included. I love writing and taking time to be grateful for the things that the Lord has so graciously given me and my family. 

Before any of you think that marriage will solve all of your problems, it won't.

Becoming your best self will.

Married life.

It's time to update this thing. Kasey has been a great husband and has motivated me to start back up again.

Wait, husband? I know. I can't believe I have a h.u.s.b.a.n.d. It's just as weird for me as anyone else, I'm sure. Well, I thought I should update my friends and family on what we're up to, because I've been the worst and haven't talked to anyone yet. I'm really sorry. Don't take it personally!

Let's go back to June 19, 2015.

While it truly was one of the greatest days of my life, the best day of my life keeps happening time and time again with this guy. Butttttt, it was an undescribable day, that's for sure! It was everything I was expecting and even more. It's like your birthday, and ten Christmases rolled into one day. The presents that you are promised in the temple are INSANE! Marriage really is ordained of God, and it's obvious that Heavenly Father has plenty of rewards to help you think so. 

Well, that day was great. I could post more pictures of that day, but that wouldn't leave room for other pictures to be posted, plus I put about a thousand of them on Facebook. Now, onto our first adventure as a married couple...

ROAD TRIP!

Rapid City, South Dakota was our first destination. Yes, we drove that whole day the next day. But it was so great--we were able to talk about our day, share our feelings, (Okay, let's be honest...I talked to Kasey most of the day while he listened. But he LOVES listening!) So, once we rolled up into town, all of the hotels were booked because there were two simultaneous softball and gymnastics tournaments. Of course. There was no room in the inn for the newlyweds. We called all around, and the only place we found was the handicap room at the Holiday Inn. All of the doors were extra wide and the bathroom was almost bigger than our own room, with lots of little gadgets. It was actually quite fun!

The next morning we woke up and rented our own Harley and took it out for the day!

Man, that thing is fun. We zipped around to a few different cities, and finally ended up at Mount Rushmore. South Dakota is the Wild, Wild West! It was perfect weather and just holding onto my husband while driving a motorcycle...every girl's dream.

Next to...

Nashville! This was my part of the trip, because we got to do everything "music." Seriously, if you're a country music fan, you have to go there. At night walking down lower broadway where all of the HonkyTonk happens, they have some of the BEST amateur vocalists I've ever seen. I mean these people could easily get recording deals...and some of them do! It was a blast.

Well, we rounded up the trip and finally got to our home sweet home in San Antonio. Both of our parents were there to help us unload our car and get as many things ready as possible. It was so nice of them. We went the next day out on the boat and gave my parents a view of Clearwater Beach in St. Pete. My husband was loving that trip.

Starting normal life was really fun, but also really hard. Getting back into the groove of things is very difficult, when you're used to spending all of your time getting ready for the wedding. 

So....we weren't ready to get back into the groove yet...so we went to the Florida Keys! (I had to get SCUBA certified, okay?)

What a great trip. It is picture perfect down there. And only an afternoon's trip from our house! 

I have quickly learned that marriage is not a one-time event, it is a daily occurrence. I mean, we've only been married 6 weeks. Of course this "marriage" thing would come easily to us. But right now, we are building the blocks that will help us get through the hard times. 

But from what I hear from everyone. It's totally worth it. 

College grad.

How in the world did I get here? I thought this day would never come. Well, that's it. I'm done. Just like that. I feel like I've been running a marathon for the past six years, and now, I never have to run the rest of my life! Wouldn't that be great. 

It just feels really good to be done. Now, the only thing I have to do is perform in Nauvoo, get married and move across the country! Okay. 

...and, I still have the cutest fiance in the history of fiances.

We keep snapchat in business at all hours of the day.

I guarantee no one is more in love with anyone than I am with him.

No more apartments for me.

House hunting is pretty fun. Oh wait, I'm not even there. I have to rely on text messages, pictures and videos I get while sitting in class. This is the definition of feeling helpless.

New Year.

I'm seven days too late for this post, but who keeps track of that anyway? 

This will most likely be the most new year I will ever experience. I will get a new home, gain a new family, write a new last name...I would say get a new husband, but you get the point. Only 160 days left until I get to write a "Mrs.," in front of my name, and absolutely I have NOT practiced that if you're wondering! Please detect the sarcasm.

Anyway, I will experience change much more than I have in the past. Sure, the past three years I've moved seven times, but I'm sure nothing compares to marriage. It will be such an exciting year, as it has been already this past week! I also am graduating from BYU, which back in 2009, I thought would take an entire lifetime. I'll never have a "first day of school" again, that is until I mercilessly take pictures of my children on their first day of school! 

I've been pondering a lot on what I can do in 2015 to set the stage for an ideal home to raise our children in. I keep coming back to the family Proclamation, and realizing over and over again that each key ingredient to a God-centered home is written out plain and simple in that thing. One phrase that has been highlighted in my mind lately is:

"Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." -The Family: A Proclamation To The World


What gets me every time is the word, entitled. That's right. Each child born, no matter what circumstance, has a right to be born to a mother and a father who love each other. There are things only a mother can do, and there are things only a father can do. It is absolutely essential for children to be raised in a home where the father has the Priesthood, and the mother is always present in that child's life. Obviously, not very many of the children in this world get that. I'm willing to bet it's less than a 2%. But that doesn't mean that 100% of our children can't have that. 

2015 will be a year of lots of fun and lots of learning. I'm so ready to start!

Dream Big.

You know that song by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band? 

Seriously, when that song came out, I was what...in 7th grade or something? I l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y would sing my guts out to that song in my studio pretending I was in Young Ambassadors. 

And guess what. Ten years later...

I MADE IT!

...and my life is the craziest it's ever been.

Along with balancing my last year at BYU (including my broadcast producing capstone...takes up a heck-a-lot more time than I thought) a boyfriend and work, the BYU Young Ambassadors team has been the main focus of my year. Don't worry, we have about five weeks to learn our stuff for Homecoming Spectacular and our main show. This year, our show is called, "Heartsongs: Melodies of Love." You guessed it, it's all about love! It's a perfect date to bring your significant other to, or if you don't have one, they probably will become yours since you brought them to such a fantastic event. Just sayin'.

I just want to take a second and tell you how incredibly amazed I am at the talent that is in this group. How did I get in here?! Not only can they sing, they can dance...and do it at the SAME TIME. When you think about it, it really blows my mind. It is hard, guys. Ha.

I'm sure you want to see all of our hard work in action, right?

Buy tickets at www.byutickets.com! October 16th and 17th at the Marriott Center.

See you there!

Cradle of the Restoration.

Return of the Jedi. Stepping into your old mission field after having the name tag off for quite some time feels like you're getting some sort of special powers back. The weirdest thing though was driving across the border from Pennsylvania to New York on my six month anniversary of being an official RM...and realizing I wasn't a missionary. It felt like I was driving into the city on The Truman Show with outside knowledge now! This time, I wasn't Sister Hawkes anymore. (Well...to most people.) I was Monica--the version who I wanted to be at this time. In fact, I think I'm even better than I ever hoped I would be. 

Bringing friends to a place I am (let's be honest) obsessed with is something I will put into continual practice. We stayed with the Jacobson's that first and foremost made our trip just plain fun. Inside jokes aren't just for teenagers. But then, we all got into the spiritual part of the weekend, which resulted in me learning more than I ever thought I would. That's how I know I'm choosing my friends correctly...my absolute favorite thing to do is sit in on a discussion on our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Plan for me. That's all we did all weekend. It was amazing.

Anyway, we started off Friday morning at the Book of Mormon Publication Site and got an absolutely incredible tour from Sister Noble. Since I didn't mention to anyone I was coming, it was the reunion of a lifetime for the both of us. She gave us a fantastic tour to start off our weekend, and set the tone for the rest of our trip! 

And walked around the town...

And saw the highlight of the trip...the Joseph Smith Farm and Sacred Grove. Sister Jeanfreau taught me so much being there again, now having the experiences of post-mission life and relating them to what I taught as a missionary. My mind continually tends to be blown on what's in store for me if I continue on this path.

Saturday, we headed over to the Hill Cumorah. We read Mormon chapter six and the appropriate verses in JS History to really internalize what we were seeing. It was the boys' first time ever to this place, so we had to!

The lovely Sister Allred took us to her home in Mendon, where the prophet Brigham Young lived and got baptized. I had never been there before!

On the way home, we drove through Gettysburg...why not stop and take a look? We got a little American history in there with us!

And the last but not least to our final stop...the Washington, D.C. temple. 

Those special powers really work when you give your all for 18-24 months. Monica 2.0 is a lot stronger.

Oh, it is wonderful.

I am so simply amazed at how much Heavenly Father knows that I don't. That may seem completely, blatantly obvious. But think about it...

via: pinterest.com

HE MADE THAT. From all the stars in the world, all of the planets that didn't just "happen" to come together...my Father knows me. Not only does He know me, but He loves me perfectly, too. And it's not something He just learned overnight.

I recently finished a book entitled, "The God Who Weeps." No, it's not a sad book at all, don't worry! It's specifically for those who love to think a little bit deeper about how much God really knows you. I would highly recommend it. It taught me more clearly that He is a person, He is your Father, and He gets it.

There is a whole grand scheme of things that is specifically tailored to each of us. None of us understand it all, nor have the same Grand Plan, and it's up to us if we actually get there. We let go completely of our will, and turn it over to Him. But guess what? When you do that--He gives you more than you could ever dream possible. I've trained myself to think when something bad happens, I never feel like He has ever let me down. I feel as if He has lifted me up to a higher plane of thought and opportunity. And that is the best feeling in the world.

It really all comes down to one word: hope. He knows what you want. He just wants to turn it into something even better.

Temporary local.

This will be a travel log-slash-what it's been before. The District of Columbia is way too neat of a place to not share.

Yesterday, Instead of being a "kind of local," I was most definitely a tourist. After figuring out how I need to get from door to door starting tomorrow morning, I took myself around DC. Since it was close, I went straight to the Capitol building:

And since it was Saturday, it was closed, so no tours. But because I will be the ones giving the tours shortly, it didn't really matter. Then, I had to go see the Constitution and Declaration of Independence since they are fading fast. So I walked down the street to the National Archives:

With the security guard thinking he was Eddie Murphy, it made the long line not as lonely by myself. But once I got in, it was so worth it. I wish I could have taken pictures in the Rotunda where those documents are held, because it was absolutely incredible. I thought about what Nephi recorded about the coming forth of a free nation. Read 2 Nephi 10. Then, it was off to the American History Museum:

My favorite thing there (out of the thirty minutes I had) was to look at the wardrobes of the First Ladies. I wish I would have gotten pictures--oh well. Let's be honest, I wish I could have tried them all on!

I am so excited to get a personal relationship with this place. It's good to be back in the East. And talk about missionary experiences...He will give them to you if you ask--that's for sure!

Uniform.

I made it! I had quite an eventful journey. 

While sitting on the runway in Salt Lake City waiting for the plane to de-ice, (and for most of the flight) I read all of the published accounts of the First Vision. I kept thinking, "How do all these people on here not know about this?" My second thought was, "I wonder how many missionaries are trying to get a hold of someone here." As I kept reading, I pondered a lot over the fact that Joseph had to actually make a conscious decision to choose light over darkness, and that many people don't realize it's a choice. That definitely made my first leg of the trip a lot quicker.

In Dallas, I only had a few minutes to get to my connecting flight, so I grabbed some lunch and sat down next to a girl my age. We had a fantastic conversation about her religion called, "The Brethren." (Well, for short. I can't remember the whole name.) I was so curious as to--first of all--her wardrobe, what their baptism consisted of, their living arrangements, etc. Her name was Hannah, and I could tell was ready for a reaction from me when she said there were seven kids in her family. I just laughed and said, "My dad is the youngest of ten!" That's when she felt more comfortable to answer more questions that I was shooting at her. After Hannah answered all of mine, she started to ask the same questions back. We discussed the devoted lifestyle we had in common, and was especially impressed when she told me that she is proud to be seen in the dress and bonnet she made herself. "You know how the military wears a uniform," she said, "That's how I feel about it. No one questions what I believe when they look at me."

How cool is she? And why don't we all think like that? So many of us try to hide our real identity in order to "fit in." But for those of you who understand anything about the Church, you know we were not made to "fit in." We we're put here to stand out and build the Kingdom.

One of my favorite scriptures in the Doctrine and Covenants that I always have running through my mind in a time like that is, "But verily I say unto you, that it is not needful for this whole company of mine elders to be moving swiftly upon the waters, whilst the inhabitants on either side are perishing in unbelief." (D&C 61:3) What good does it do to serve a mission, come home, and never speak about the gospel in public again? If you feel weird about it, maybe you should see if you actually believe it yourself. Please don't use any soap boxes, because that would be strange. But why can't you just ask questions? Remember: "Enthusiasm overcomes all obstacles."

Anyway, I'm here in my cute little house in Virginia, about ready to give myself a tour of the city. And after church tomorrow--dinner at the mission home followed by a night at the Visitors' Center. I'M BACK! But this time, with my own uniform on.

Pristine slate.

via: Pinterest

"Distill a whole year down into a day, act like we all start over with a pristine slate.
But to get yourself a new life you've got to give the other one away.

And I'm starting to believe in the power of a Name...cause it can't be a mistake if I just call it change." 

-December, Sara Bareilles

So I'll live this new year just as Brendan James puts it, with my "heart in my hand...like a loaded gun." 

(Genius lyrics, if you ask me. The imagery of that is just fantastic.) 

Happy New Year!

Building my bridge.

My mom calls them bridges. It's those awkward periods in life where you are coming from one thing and going onto the next. Sometimes it's fun to be on them, but if you're on one very long, you get very anxious. Fortunately, I'm building mine pretty fast.

Friday, Allie and I went all out and made it a girls' night--manicures and pedicures included! Finishing out the night cuddling with her while watching 

"The Emporor's New Groove," however, was the best part.

Saturday, right before our session at the Salt Lake Temple, Kadi and I tried to go to Taco Bell for some authentic Mexican food. But of course, on our way, we saw a sign for "New York Delicatessan," and said no more. It was really cool hanging out with my first companion again. Especially our adventures the next night...

After failing to find a single-adult group our age (walking into a 31+ single 

adult activity is kind of embarassing) we ended up here.

Everyone keeps asking me how the transition is going. Really, every returned missionary that talked to me about it before I left New York scared me into coming home--and I think that's what helped! Although everything I do seems pointless, I know in the long run it isn't really. Everyone has made it a very smooth landing back down to earth. I enjoy trying to put my life back together, because I get to start at ground zero. I don't have to do anything I did before, and I don't have to remember any stupid things I did in my pre-mission life. I scored one big tabula rasa.

The best advice was from President Francis. In my exit interview, we counted up the times that I prayed in a day as a missionary, which turned about to be about 30-40 times. He noted that it really wasn't going to be that much anymore, because of a total decrease in lessons taught, companion/site study, etc. However, if I kept up a constant communication with Heavenly Father, by trying to pray just as much, it would be a great landing. My scripture study and strict temple attendance have been crucial in my sanity as well. I didn't even want to risk dropping off the spiritual map.

Let's be honest, though...the biggest I've help I've had is from Jesus Christ. He doesn't just help His full-time missionaries, He helps all of His children. Anytime something gets even close to more than I can handle, I hand it over to Him. He can't do it for me, but He sure can help me find a better way. It's a heck of a lot easier to hand it over to Him from the beginning. 

Eternal perspective, people...it really helps. You can do anything for five minutes. It's basically the same idea with God; our life is like five minutes long in His eyes. 

So yes, the transition has been fantastic.

Farewell.

I have the best friends and family in the world.

See you all next fall!

Until next time.

First day at Brigham Young. August '09

So long, Provo.  (Long as in two years.) I just walked off campus for the last time in two full years. It's pretty weird...since I've spent every week there since freshman year. I'll go on my mission, then after next year's Christmas I'm off to D.C. for a few months. Then...back to Provo. I really don't know how I'm going to come back here and feel like I'm moving on with my life, but we'll figure it out. 


I have a couple Poli Sci papers to finish up, and I'm FREE! My Living Prophets test was a beast today--I'm really glad it's over. Tomorrow I'm back home, and Friday is the official moving day. Everything is going so fast. The next thing I know I'll be teaching the Gospel all day, every day. 


I wish I could just stop my life sometimes. Everything is simply amazing. How often can you say you're in college one month, on a mission the next, and 18 months later living on the East Coast? Most of my friends haven't started their families yet, and I have the luxury of seeing them whenever I want. I still have the great mystery of falling in love with "the one," and I'm now at the age where I can go anywhere, do anything, and not be tied down. 


Oh, and I've got a trip to California with my mom, sisters, and my best friend next week. Again, I wish I could just stop my life sometimes.

Favorite song of the week: Chances by Five for Fighting

"Chances are when said and done, who'll be the lucky one to make it all the way? Lay your money on the sun, until you crash what have you done? Is there a better bet than love? What you are is what you breathe, you gotta cry before you sing."

Dear friend.

"As I look back on all that's happened...growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me--there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. The past may be gone forever, and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold." -Anonymous

via:  http://www.jameshance.com/wookiee-the-chew.html

Flashback.

My childhood days are over! That's so weird. I've been looking through a bunch of pictures my mom as recently scanned for a family project...and I can't help but share them! I know nobody probably will care, but I do, and I really enjoy reminiscing. Somehow I can't find any Junior High pics...that was the segment of my life where my mother only took video. Thankfully that was during "the awkward stage." 

My life as a blonde:

Grandpa Wells and I in Conneticut

We used to be the favorite children...when we were the only children.

Grandma Wells...my babysitter whenever mom was ESPNing!

First day of 1st grade. I think my bangs are bigger than my face.

Thanksgiving Family Portrait...'97? Maybe?

Trip with mom to Guadalajara, Mexico.

This is the first and only time we ever went out for a New Year. We're not really party animals.

I have nothing good to say about this picture. This is just the very beginning of "the awkward stage."
(Before I made the CJH basketball team and got whooped into shape.) Don't worry, it got worse.

9th grade...my trip to ESPN that kickstarted my love for the business.

Junior year...I think. Bowling night with the girls!

I love these women. Graduation '09.

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." -Anon.