Pristine slate.

via: Pinterest

"Distill a whole year down into a day, act like we all start over with a pristine slate.
But to get yourself a new life you've got to give the other one away.

And I'm starting to believe in the power of a Name...cause it can't be a mistake if I just call it change." 

-December, Sara Bareilles

So I'll live this new year just as Brendan James puts it, with my "heart in my hand...like a loaded gun." 

(Genius lyrics, if you ask me. The imagery of that is just fantastic.) 

Happy New Year!

Top Ten Moments of 2013.

It's mostly from the mission. Okay, it's all from the mission. It's totally outweighed everything else I've done this year. Obviously.

January. Stephanie got baptized. She was the first one I taught from start to finish. That girl's testimony is the size of the Pacific Ocean. Speaking of which, she put faith into perspective for me by teaching me that, "Faith is a small dot in the middle of a big ocean. That's all you need" Smart girl.

March. Sister Johnson and I made a cake for President in hopes of bribing him to keep us together in Brockport one more transfer. It was more like bribing the Spirit, which usually doesn't work, but this time it did!

March 14. Easily the best birthday present...we went to the Sacred Grove and Smith Farm for district meeting. There is something about discussing Joseph right where he grew up. It never got old.

  

May. After a long, exhausting day, I came home to Sister Beardsley in my bed. Our roommates got more of the effect they wanted when I turned the lights on myself! It completely lightened my mood and let me know that missionary work is actually supposed to be fun.

June. President Christianson's last Zone Conference. And...it was in the Grove. 

July. Hill Cumorah Pageant 2013. I got to spend a lot more time with the cast than usual...we were Cast Trainers who gave them missionary workshops, pointers, etc. The only three weeks on my mission I felt like a celebrity!

September. Meeting Britani. Teaching her. Seeing her be bapzited. Taking her through the sites. She is the epitome of having having the gospel "written in her heart." Britani just gets it, and I'm so lucky to be one of the two that got to teach her.

October. My exit interview. Probably (definitely) the best experience I've ever had in the Grove. It was the perfect way to end an 18 month journey in the Cradle of the Restoration.  Even though I've had many experiences in this place, this one sealed my testimony of what happened to Joseph with his Older Brother and Father.

October (the next day.) The best surprise of my life. Ten minutes before I boarded this plane, I wrote in my journal, "I don't think I've ever felt more alone." There obviously were a lot of tears at the scene. I don't think I stopped talking the whole flight...my mom is a trooper.

2013 was the best year of my life. But guess what?

O Christmas Tree.

There is a tree in my house. With lights on it. And presents underneath. (Well, they were.) That is really kinda weird.

But check this out:

"Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-colored pictures, such as she had seen in the shop windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree...she saw them now as stars in Heaven." -Hans Christian Andersen

Changes your perspective, doesn't it?

Merry Christmas!

How Great Shall Be Your Joy.

When I got this text message yesterday, my mind immediately flew to this scripture:

"And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!" -D&C 18:15

Even though Satan tries his best to make my mission seem like a failure, the Spirit is working overtime to remind me of so much success that I got to be a part of. It's the stuff that I actually want to listen to that I pay attention to. I'm 100% positive that someone has wanted to send a message like this to all of you--even if they hadn't had the courage to press the send button. 

You're making a difference.

Holy places.

"We might first consider the word place as a physical environment or a geographic location. However, a place can be 'a distinct condition, position, or state of mind.' This means holy places can also include moments in time—moments when the Holy Ghost testifies to us, moments when we feel Heavenly Father’s love, or moments when we receive an answer to our prayers." -Ann M. Dibb

Just because Brother Joseph and I share a common "holy place," doesn't mean you have to. It could be anywhere from the front of your steering wheel to that first time that you really knew God existed. The only reason that I can consider the Sacred Grove as one of my holy places is just because I got called to Rochester. I have many other places and moments in time that get the Spirit with me within .05 seconds.

However, this one may or may not be my most favorite.

Happy golden days.

Only three more weeks left. Then I get on a plane back to the East Coast! Meanwhile, I haven't really had any fun at all...

Once I got on the ski lift, that's when I felt REALLY home. The resort was practically empty...and I'm not lying when I say the round trip of each run wasn't even ten minutes long. Which then, of course, I had President Christianson's voice running through my head, "A ski lift is an incredible missionary tool. You have them trapped for eight minutes." 

I tried my best to talk to the one man sitting next to us that one time, but the other fourteen times it was just me and Dad. Don't worry, we still were each other's missionaries as we discussed his lesson on Joseph Smith in High Priests for today. (Yes, I got to come in to the class and add my five cents as Joseph's personal testimony-guard.) So, it was a great doctrine-filled day, along with filling my need for speed that I haven't been able to suppress for the past two years.  

Then the day finished off at the perfect place with some of my favorite people.

"Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore. Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more."

-Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Good things to come.

"But Christ being come an high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands..." -Hebrews 9:11

I had a really great personal study this morning. Out of all the wording that Paul could have been inspired with, He described Christ as being this Prince that could always swear by the promises He has made (which are tailored to us that we can learn by regular temple attendance.) Paul goes onto describe that hope is an "anchor to the soul." Just think for a moment what an anchor does, and the relationship it has to the boat and water, etc. 

via: vineetkaur.tumblr.com

Then, a chapter later (in my opinion) is one of the greatest written passages of all-time:

"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;

Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used.

For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.

Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.

But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul."

-Hebrews 10:31-39

There are good things to come in the next five minutes, there are good things to come within the next week, and there are even good things to come in 2014. You'll never go back to 2013, so there is no point in worrying about something that will never happen again. Hope is completely embracing the promises that He has handed to us; it's wrapping your entire body around the iron rod and holding onto it for dear life. 

There are good things to come. And the best part? He always keeps it a surprise.

Food storage.

I'm not baby hungry, I promise. 

I'm just really taking advantage of the whole holding-kids-post-mission thing. 

I got to have dinner and FHE with my best friend's brother and sister-in-law this week, but what I really loved was them giving me priceless advice after the kids went to bed. I really liked the analogy that I'm building up spiritual food storage at this time in my life. There will be a time where I will need to use my food storage, but because I can afford it in mass amounts right now, I need to really stock up. They have a fantastic family, so I take everything they say pretty seriously!

I also got to go to Temple Square with some of my mission friends, then see the ACTUAL Smith Patented Printing Press that printed the first 5,000 copies of the Book of Mormon. I can't tell you how many times the words,"no, that's not the original, it's in Salt Lake City," came out of my mouth in New York. I just felt very proud seeing it, and knowing that Alison and I got to be two of many sisters that defended what happened on that press.

That's pretty much my weekly update, with lots of working  at BYU in between. I just found out I get to work with the media back in D.C. along with being "the intern," so that's pretty exciting news. 

So yes, I am building my food storage--one scripture read and one little miracle written down at a time.

Chasing the sun.

This song literally has been on repeat in my car. I love everything about the acoustics of the song, but the lyrics are unbelievable. It is incredibly symbolic if you try hard enough...I guess anything can be symbolic of things in an individual's life depending on their stage in life. So go ahead and read these lyrics, and just remember to be...happy.

"It’s a really old city

Stuck between the dead and the living

So I thought to myself, sitting on a graveyard shelf

As the echo of heartbeats, from the ground below my feet

Filled a cemetery in the center of Queens

I started running the maze of

The names and the dates, some older than others

The skyscrapers, little tombstone brothers

With Manhattan behind her, three million stunning reminders

Built a cemetery in the center of Queens

You said, remember that life is

Not meant to be wasted

We can always be chasing the sun!

So fill up your lungs and just run

But always be chasing the sun!

So how do you do it,

With just words and just music, capture the feeling

That my earth is somebody’s ceiling, can I deliver in sound

The weight of the ground

Of a cemetery in the center of Queens

There’s a history through her

Sent to us as a gift from the future, to show us the proof

More than that, it’s to dare us to move

To open our eyes and to learn from the sky

From a cemetery in the center of Queens 

You said, remember that life is

Not meant to be wasted

We can always be chasing the sun!

So fill up your lungs and just run

But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try

And live like we’re still alive

It’s a really old city

Stuck between the dead and the living

So I thought to myself, sitting on a graveyard shelf

And the gift of my heartbeat sounds like a symphony

Played by a cemetery in the center of Queens

You said, remember that life is

Not meant to be wasted

We can always be chasing the sun!

So fill up your lungs and just run

But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try

And live like we’re still alive

All we can do is try

And live like we’re still alive."

-Sara Bareilles

(a.k.a. THE goddess of songwriting. See also: Bluebird, Between the Lines, Love is Christmas, Let the Rain, etc.)

Worship.

At first I was a little skeptical of that word. I always thought of people weeping, wailing and gnashing their teeth, and not really internalizing what they actually "believe." (The Adversary proves opposition in all things, right?)  But I've been thinking a lot about how I worship, and what the word actually means.

lds.org

worship, verb:

to render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity

to attend services of divine worship

to feel an adoring reverence or regard

It was no coincidence that Sacrament Meeting today was focused around the word, and that the conversation even bled over into Sunday School and Relief Society. So I begun to make a list of what I do everyday that proves to me that I worship my Savior, Jesus Christ. Obviously the primary answers were on top of the list, like attend the temple, read scriptures, pray, but what about helping out at a service project? Or just listening to someone? As members of the Church we are asked to "mourn with those that morn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Mosiah 18:9) 

I've also been wondering why music was such a passion for me, specifically performing. And it just hit me...that is one of my favorite forms of worship. It's the whole concept of getting a talent and turning it into five kinda thing...I guess literally in this case. I would drop pretty much anything at a chance to just sit down at the piano and sing, because I get to show The Lord how thankful I am that I still get to be here, and to still use what He has given me.

It has been fun to always have on the back of my mind what more I can do. Like...keeping a blog!

Still my sisteren in The Lord.

You know what's really great? My job. I think I keep saying that, at least I have been for the past five years. 
(Mission included.) I concluded that again today when Fui Vakapuna told me the story of when he gave his teammate Tim Tebow the first discussion last year. Apparently it almost got into a bible bash...I was hoping he would have gotten baptized so I could have a chance with him. 

Anyway, not important. My job is cool because last night I got to take Alison to our department Christmas party! We won the drawing contest...because we put a name tag on our snowman. I shoulda gotten a picture...oh well. But we did take this picture right before we walked into the party:

However, the best part of the day was right before this, when we got to see our fellow NYRMies come down the escalator at Salt Lake International Airport. Missionary moments right and left while we were waiting for them; I totally should have hung out at the airport as a missionary. We got a lady crying when she saw an Elder come down and hug his mom for the first time in two years. Seed PLANTED! Anyway, here is the picture(s):

I'm now old news. :) But it really was fantastic to surprise these sisters and to reminisce from six weeks ago when I was feeling every emotion in the book. Looking at this photo, the only thing I can think about is this one time in the Book of Mormon, 

"Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.

But this is not all; they had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, and when they taught, they taught with power and authority of God." -Alma 17: 2-3

Cue the lights.

It seems like two weeks has passed since last Christmas. Does anyone else feel like that? Last year, I was in a cute little town called Brockport, serving in one of the best wards the Church has to offer. I don't think there was a night that Sister Torres and I weren't fed. (Even though food is not what constitutes as "a fun time," it certainly makes it easier to be around a dinner table with a family!)  I would definitely recommend spending any Christmas on a mission. Everyone celebrates Christ, and for at least a month, you think that everyone you pass actually does want to hear your message. That time of year really makes it a little bit easier to be a missionary.

But for now, I get to be with my family again. We celebrated the first day of Christmas by putting up the tree:

Here's also some pictures from last weekend in Driggs...possibly one of the most beautiful places on earth:

Song of the week:

"Theres a history through her. Sent to us as a gift from the future, to show us the proof. More than that, its to dare us to move, 
to open our eyes and to learn from the sky. From a cemetary--in the center of Queens."

-Sara Bareilles, Chasing the Sun