Settled down.

I used to have a thousand blog topics running through my head. That was, until I got married. I know, you hear it from everyone, "Once you get married your life will change. You'll never have the same life again." And you know what, that's exactly right!

Those six years I had of being single and free were amazing! I got to travel across the country, answer to no one, make my own schedule, and life was so fast-paced. I remember performing every other weekend and going home on the other weekends if I didn't have any food left.

Now I have certain amount of vacation days, and a hungry husband at dinnertime. You're probably thinking the negative way. And I'm sure some people take it in a negative way for their own lives! But me--not a chance. Getting married was the best thing I've ever done. 

I love having someone to take care of me--and only me. (While that lasts!)

I love not going to bed alone. 

I love going on crazy adventures because we aren't in the dating stage anymore. 

I love having someone that counts on me for their everyday life. 

I love decorating our own place.

I love staying up late and laughing about weird things.

I love having someone to talk to when things don't go as planned.

I love dreaming about what our future will be like.

Now, even though I loved my life before I met my husband, I couldn't imagine life without him. He's been gone on a business trip these last couple of days, and man--his personality brings so much joy into my life! I'm that wife that counts down the hours to when I can see him again. Only 24 more to go. So many people tell their friends their husband is their "best friend," but when I say he's my best friend--for real, HE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

I've finally settled down with my best friend.

The biggest lesson.

I have learned one very big, important lesson since being married.

That getting married isn't your solve-all end for every problem in your life.

Okay, so that may be dramatic. I'll be the first to admit my life really isn't that hard. I know that's not normal. You don't have to be the millionth to tell me. But I will tell you, that I do go through hard things. 

I do have problems that just make me want the Second Coming to happen right now. And I'm sure that's not normal either...joke! Seriously, everyone is apt to tons of nasty stuff. So of course, just like I thought when I was thirteen, I thought for sure that all of my problems would go away when I got married. Obviously because someone loved me enough to live with me, and start a family with me, that nothing else mattered. Well, there is some truth to that. However...

I had a really hard time the month after I got married. (Which was like, last month.) I thought for sure it was the birth control that was making me extra emotional, and feeling like I was failing as a wife already! I called my doctor, and told her I needed to get on a lower dose of estrogen because I was being weird. Well, she told me I was on the lowest dose they had. DANG IT. 

So, I had to figure out something else. I prayed and prayed some more. A question soon came to my mind, "When was the last time I wrote in my journal?" From that little thing--let me tell you, that thought changed everything. It lead me to think about the stuff I had completely left behind in my single life to move to my married life. And you know what all that stuff was?

Everything. I had completely let go of all of my hobbies, and anything that made me happy. (Of course, Kasey makes me happy! But you all know what I mean.) I hadn't even touched a piano or sang a note in two months. I hadn't even written a thing in my journal since our wedding day, and still had my missionary scriptures packed in a box somewhere. iPhone scriptures are just not the same.

Once I realized this was the issue, I got myself an hour on a friend's piano, sat down before work to write in my journal, and put my missionary scriptures on my nightstand to study from. Who woulda thought that would have made all the difference? Just those little changes have made me feel like myself again. I'm able to be a better wife because I take a few minutes to myself everyday. This blog, included. I love writing and taking time to be grateful for the things that the Lord has so graciously given me and my family. 

Before any of you think that marriage will solve all of your problems, it won't.

Becoming your best self will.

I LOVE pictures, okay?

There is just no way I could post enough. My friend Ashley did such a great job taking all of these pictures! The only problem I have now, is trying to decide which ones to hang in our house. If any of you would like to vote on which ones those would be, now would be the time to speak up.

For your (my) viewing pleasure:

Jaw dropping thriller.

I always love when I get to reflect on my mission. I know, that sounds silly...I should be doing it all the time. And people may get annoyed at someone who "always talks about their mission," but I will be the first to tell you that you shouldn't slam it until you've been through it. So, if you want to hear a cool mission story, keep reading. If not, well...too bad! Anyway, I'm extremely guilty of not giving myself enough time to really study and reflect. But thankfully, what I'm busy with also gives me some time to sit down and think about why I'm busy in the first place.

Today at rehearsal, we talked about why we perform. Why do I want to get on a stage with costumes that look like a kid threw up neon crayons on a piece of paper and pull facial expressions my face has never formed to yet? For the thrill. It's as simple as that. This thrill of performing is amazing. It rushes through me, and gives me confidence in a matter of seconds. It's something I can't describe. However, the "thrill" has changed the past couple of years that I was on leave. 

When I was in my last area, 5x5ing a potential investigator, (that sounds painful--but believe me it's not) Sister Steel and I came up on a woman sweeping her driveway. We could tell that she was stalling so we could come and talk to her, maybe because she was lonely. Her name was Shawntia; a single mother of three. Of course, we seized the moment. She quickly invited us up to her porch, and asked us what we had to say. We dove right in, and began to tell her the story of the Restoration, and how Christ's church was not lost, but back here on the earth. After awhile, she said to us, "you mean to say, that the same exact church that Christ founded back when He was here, is here again?! Are you serious??!!" You would think someone just told her she one a million bucks. You all know that point where you're so excited to tell someone something that you're to the point of laughing? Yep, that was us. As we continued to tell her more and more about how the Church came back to the earth, her jaw continued to slowly drop. I realized, that this is the "thrill" I was looking for my whole life.

Oh wait, it doesn't stop there. After we had finished teaching our lesson and set another appointment (of course, by leaving a cliff hanger so she'd let us come back for more) Shawntia asked us if we knew two guys who had the same name-tags on as us. We said yes, there were two other young men that were in the same city, but not in the same area. She was really confused, because just ten minutes prior to us walking up, she told us she saw these boys across the street wearing what we had, and felt something in her heart. She told us there was no way she was going to go talk to them, because she was so scared. But when she saw us walking up, with the same tags, she had to stall just for a minute. Let me translate that: she felt the spirit from 30 feet away after only a minute. You guys--it's really powerful. 

Now, I don't know what happened to her after I left New York. So why did I gain a bunch of weight, get yelled at and told I was stupid for 18 months straight? For the thrill. It's as simple as as that. This thrill of teaching the gospel is amazing. It rushes through me, and gives me confidence in a matter of seconds. It's something I can't describe.

Where does your "thrill" come from?

All I have to say about this is...little did we know. HOW GREAT IT IS.

...is for the way you look at me.

Sometimes I can't even make anything come out of my mouth because of the ridiculous English language that doesn't have words even close to being strong enough to describe how much I am in love.

Many people skeptically ask me, "How can you be engaged to someone that you don't even live in the same state?" Well, my friends, love knows no boundaries. No, it's not because I couldn't find anyone here at BYU. (Yes, I've been asked that! Haha...) Of course we entertained all options of me moving there, or him moving here. But I'm in this thing that takes over my life called Young Ambassadors, and with his new job...until June 19th, it just would not be practical. Plus, long distance really does have it's pros! When we see each other, we are able to put everything else aside and focus on each other. I'm never stressed as to how to balance my time with him. Bottom line: it works perfectly for us. It's not like we planned it this way, but from our very first conversation on the phone, we realized we had to make it work from so far away.

I know, I know...I'll have some cheesy posts. Despite what I thought about myself before I met Kasey, I just want to shout it to the world. (And, I know I loved reading posts like these in my earlier college years to keep hope on flowing!) I do realize, that I'm still four months away from being married. What could I know about love? Well, I really don't know too much yet. All I know is that this is love, and I just care about making him happy.

Two more days.

10 Day Tour: Young Ambassadors

There aren't too many things more fun (and exhausting) than being on a bus for ten days with lots of extroverts. If you didn't catch it from Facebook/Instagram, I've been out of school the past week and on a long road trip touring with the YA's! 

This is how we looked 90% of the time...

And the other 10%...

We had so much fun. It was one of those weeks where I wanted time to stand still and 

just be "in college" for awhile. It went way too fast! So starting off...this is me and MegSack about 3 hours

into our journey. That's why we are so happy...

Our first night, we stayed with the guy who draws the Pickles comics, 

Brian Crane and his lovely wife. I KNOW, RIGHT?!

Another MegSack photo, making any other face but smiling! Our cheek muscles hurt.

Our first stop on the day tour to San Francisco, the City Hall! 

Just me and a big head. That's all.

Chinatown....yeah.

I practically went to China without going to China!

Whitney and I on the Pier looking out over Alcatraz.

...and Tanner bought us a bread alligator at the world-famous Boudin's! 

We try to be as mature as possible when we are taking pictures.

After a great FHE and fireside with the Singles Ward, the next day we woke up

and went to the Redwood Forest! 

With a performance every night except Sunday, it was great to come to our Host family

and be completely welcomed in! Those little kids in Santa Rosa are adorable.

And for more mirror reflection pictures, of course we watch The Bachelor when we

get ready for our shows! This was in San Jose:

And this was the stage in San Jose...SO FUN!

I guess you could call it a success when you make the front page of

a Napa Valley Newspaper.

And for our last show...a great dressing room shot. This was our favorite dressing room 

only because we had enough outlets for our curling irons.

Within these ten days, I hadn't heard of so many miracles since my mission. For real. We helped with some re-activating, with decision making about baptism, and lots (and lots) of introduction to the LDS church. We brought the Spirit in ways that I couldn't do on my own--even when I was a missionary. I heard the exact same things when I was wearing a nametag, which convinced me even more that what I'm doing right now is an extension of my mission. But this time, I get to SING! 

Music brings something to some people that is not explainable. And one of those people is me. It gives me strength to go on, but more importantly, enough confidence to know that I'm a daughter of God. I know for a fact I gave that confidence to one little girl that I met in Oakland, and that was enough for me.

It's amazing the money, the time, sweat (and tears) Heavenly Father will allow one person to go through to help another come back to Him.

The Proposal.

18,046 miles traveled. 

Two road trips across six states and 16 boarding passes later, 

I somehow snagged myself a fiancé!

I’ve never been engaged before (thankfully) so I didn’t really know how this all worked. Every girl imagines it in her head, but somehow you still just have no idea what to think or where to start. I’ve had my phone blow up with people asking for details, so I decided just to write it up and put it on here! Plus I forgot my journal (LAME) so this counts for that.

The story starts Christmas day. We had such a wonderful morning, with me and Jordan going to wake up Kasey like little kids on, well...Christmas morning...and then we all surrounded the tree to open presents and be together in our PJs. 

Christmas morning at the Hess Home

Well, the usual Christmas happened, and it was so peaceful. But the story you really want to hear starts Christmas night. Kasey’s brother and sister-in-law had just left and I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. He followed me into the kitchen, wrapped himself up in me, and started heckling the heck out of me about my feelings of possibly being an engaged woman. Since heckling is his best talent, I really didn’t think anything of it…for the first half hour at least. He said stuff like, “Mon, I bet you really wish I would propose to you on Christmas. I’m sorry, there’s only an hour and a half left, so just don’t think anything okay? You wouldn’t want to marry me anyway.” Of course there was (play) slapping and hitting and me trying to drop the subject…but he kept saying, “MONICA what do you want for Christmas?” I kept on saying, “Kasey how many times do I have to say this. You are all I want!” And since I already was dating him, I was content and everything was great. I knew it wasn’t going to happen because it was just way too obvious.

The half hour went by and by this time I was thinking that he wouldn’t be doing this for just anything. After laughing and heckling, it did cross my mind a time or two that tonight might be the night, but then he grabbed my shoulders and said, “In all seriousness, I’m just tight on money. Can’t do it right now. I’m sorry, babe.” I smiled, kissed him, said that was okay, and went back to eating whatever I was eating, fully knowing that in order for him to succeed I had to be at least a little bit ticked. So, of course he wasn’t happy with my content answer, so of course…more heckling. “Mon, don’t you want to go for a walk? I don’t have anything, but don’t you just want to go? Just me and you?” I said, no, it’s okay…but he kept asking and so I just let him succeed. He mostly loved that he had to make me ask if we were going anywhere. He pulled out this white box, shook it, and said, “let’s go for a walk.” Of course I went.

We started on this walk around the neighborhood with this white box obviously in the front pocket of his sweatshirt. Kasey did not let me even anywhere near it, so I just decided to let it go and just enjoy the walk. About every five steps he kissed me, and kept squeezing my hand. Not that normal, but okay! (The only reason I didn’t catch on to this obvious hint is because this guy is smarter than smart, and he knows exactly what I would read into and what I wouldn’t. I honestly didn’t think anything was going to happen…I thought he was just going to trick me by going for a walk with this box in his pocket and not mention it once the whole time.) We kept walking around and as we got to a little open spot with just one street lamp he stopped and grabbed both hands. He looked at me and told me seriously that he knew what I was thinking, and he felt bad it just wasn’t going to be at this time. Money really was tight (he just bought new “socks and shoes” for his truck) and he probably would propose over my birthday when he could afford a ring that I wanted. Kasey did tell me he wanted to get me something, that it wasn’t much and not very big, but it was an expression of his love. He slowly pulled out the white box from his front pocket, put it in my hands, and asked me to open it. Remember, there was just one street lamp and so I couldn’t really see anything anyway. I opened it while looking at him skeptically and out of the corner my eye saw something really shiny. I opened it quicker and inside revealed…

A Hershey kiss.

Monica: “KASEY I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Kasey: “WHAT, IT’S A KISS! Don’t you love me?! You can have a real one if you want!!”

I was laughing so hard. He played dumb, asked why I was laughing and said, “What, you weren’t expecting anything else were you?” He looked so confused that I was laughing and was “offended” that I didn’t want that piece of chocolate. We walked a few more steps when he grabbed both of my hands and again said, “Ok, Mon. In ALL seriousness. I’m just not going to give you what you really wanted. And I know what you wanted. You wanted me to propose to you on Christmas night because it’s all cute.” After me saying, “are you being serious right now?” about fifty times, and me still laughing, he whispered into my ear that he wanted to be with me forever. Then he just kept talking gibberish knowing full well that I would say after the forever comment, “WAIT. Wait…what did you say? Did you just say you wanted to be with me forever?” Well, of course I said exactly that.

Right after I did, I hear a big, “OUCH! Agh! Ouch!” He bent down to check out the problem. “There are ants in my boot!” (Legit though…there are crazy stinging ants in Florida. Hurts for weeks.) But he wasn’t taking his foot out of his boot! I was still laughing uncontrollably and as I threw my head back, he took my hand and slowly put one knee on the pavement. He said some cute stuff like he wanted me to be his wife, and again that he wanted to be with me forever…and I STILL didn’t believe him! He took the other hand to open another box, one that I hadn’t seen before.

Like I said, there was only one street lamp. Everything else was pitch black. When that box opened, I swear to you that box was glowing. It was only out of the corner of my eye, because again, I did not want that to be a figment of my imagination. I stopped laughing, and so did he. The next thing I heard were the words I was hoping for. And so sweet out of his mouth was,

“Will you marry me?”

“Wait, baby, are you still kidding?” At this point, I could see the seriousness in his face, and I just lost it. I didn’t even dare look at the ring because I was scared it was going to disappear and this moment would go away. I kept looking straight into his eyes, said yes, and just cried. (Oh yeah, and we kissed a lot. Of course.) It was longer than usual before he asked me if I wanted to even see the ring! I looked at it and definitely gasped…I couldn’t have designed it better myself. I still didn’t believe it was mine, so I asked through my tears, “Is this for me??” He laughed at me while I asked him if he would put it on my finger. I was still in shock walking back to the house to tell everyone…and slapping his arm on the way back because he tricked me so bad! I’m so glad he proposed the way he did because I wanted it to be just me and him, and the fact that it was so simple just down the street was that much more romantic. This is a perfect example of something I really like about our relationship; we are able to be best friends playing around one second and then immediately pull out the romance card.

Kasey also knows how much I like pictures, so he pulled out his phone and took one right after we were made official. 10:50 p.m., Christmas night.

After we went back to tell the family and of course the whole Facebook/Instagram thing, we just sat on the couch staring at the ring, yes, but mostly each other. I can’t believe I’m engaged to such a hard working, family wanting, God loving man that will always live up to his priesthood duties. I’ve always wanted to know what my husband will look like, and now all I have to do is look at my screensaver to see who that is!

Well, as Kasey could tell you, he is all I asked for. And I got exactly what I want. Forever.

-The future Mrs. Hess

Dream Big.

You know that song by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band? 

Seriously, when that song came out, I was what...in 7th grade or something? I l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y would sing my guts out to that song in my studio pretending I was in Young Ambassadors. 

And guess what. Ten years later...

I MADE IT!

...and my life is the craziest it's ever been.

Along with balancing my last year at BYU (including my broadcast producing capstone...takes up a heck-a-lot more time than I thought) a boyfriend and work, the BYU Young Ambassadors team has been the main focus of my year. Don't worry, we have about five weeks to learn our stuff for Homecoming Spectacular and our main show. This year, our show is called, "Heartsongs: Melodies of Love." You guessed it, it's all about love! It's a perfect date to bring your significant other to, or if you don't have one, they probably will become yours since you brought them to such a fantastic event. Just sayin'.

I just want to take a second and tell you how incredibly amazed I am at the talent that is in this group. How did I get in here?! Not only can they sing, they can dance...and do it at the SAME TIME. When you think about it, it really blows my mind. It is hard, guys. Ha.

I'm sure you want to see all of our hard work in action, right?

Buy tickets at www.byutickets.com! October 16th and 17th at the Marriott Center.

See you there!

Cradle of the Restoration.

Return of the Jedi. Stepping into your old mission field after having the name tag off for quite some time feels like you're getting some sort of special powers back. The weirdest thing though was driving across the border from Pennsylvania to New York on my six month anniversary of being an official RM...and realizing I wasn't a missionary. It felt like I was driving into the city on The Truman Show with outside knowledge now! This time, I wasn't Sister Hawkes anymore. (Well...to most people.) I was Monica--the version who I wanted to be at this time. In fact, I think I'm even better than I ever hoped I would be. 

Bringing friends to a place I am (let's be honest) obsessed with is something I will put into continual practice. We stayed with the Jacobson's that first and foremost made our trip just plain fun. Inside jokes aren't just for teenagers. But then, we all got into the spiritual part of the weekend, which resulted in me learning more than I ever thought I would. That's how I know I'm choosing my friends correctly...my absolute favorite thing to do is sit in on a discussion on our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Plan for me. That's all we did all weekend. It was amazing.

Anyway, we started off Friday morning at the Book of Mormon Publication Site and got an absolutely incredible tour from Sister Noble. Since I didn't mention to anyone I was coming, it was the reunion of a lifetime for the both of us. She gave us a fantastic tour to start off our weekend, and set the tone for the rest of our trip! 

And walked around the town...

And saw the highlight of the trip...the Joseph Smith Farm and Sacred Grove. Sister Jeanfreau taught me so much being there again, now having the experiences of post-mission life and relating them to what I taught as a missionary. My mind continually tends to be blown on what's in store for me if I continue on this path.

Saturday, we headed over to the Hill Cumorah. We read Mormon chapter six and the appropriate verses in JS History to really internalize what we were seeing. It was the boys' first time ever to this place, so we had to!

The lovely Sister Allred took us to her home in Mendon, where the prophet Brigham Young lived and got baptized. I had never been there before!

On the way home, we drove through Gettysburg...why not stop and take a look? We got a little American history in there with us!

And the last but not least to our final stop...the Washington, D.C. temple. 

Those special powers really work when you give your all for 18-24 months. Monica 2.0 is a lot stronger.

God bless the broken road.

via: imforevergrateful.tumbler

Have you ever had those moments (or longer than moments) when you thought a ship was sailed? Or when you feel stupid that you asked for certain things that you thought were the best? Well, since God is...a god...He kinda has some idea on how He could make things better. All He needs to do that is your patience, your patience, and...you guessed it, your patience. 

I want to point out two scriptures that illustrate my point perfectly:

25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:25-26)

14 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time. (D&C 6:14)

I just can never comprehend the massiveness of possibilities The Lord has in store for us. And no, I am not talking about earthly achievements. I'm talking about pure happiness...and the state of mind that comes with that. A lot of people think my happiness as being Monica comes from serving in the best mission in the world (true), working in Washington, D.C., being in Young Ambassadors, or whatever. All this stuff I've been doing lately sets me up for failure, stress, and looking totally stupid. Let's be honest, it does already. I have no idea what I'm doing! Although it is all labeled, "fun," I had to work WAY harder than I ever thought I needed to in the first place...and that's where this happiness I have comes from. It's from failing, millions of times, and then something finally sticking. It's going after everything I possibly could, and getting only about 5% of what I work for. But that small amount from the other 95% I thought was better, is what was "the best" for me. I took an insane amount of detours, but how does that song go? God bless the broken road.

Just because it isn't happening RIGHT NOW, doesn't mean it will never happen. Believe me, He is running marathons for you up there. Take some time to believe it.