Love is a battlefield.

...quite literally.

Every night before we go to bed, Kasey and I talk on FaceTime for at least an hour...closer to two. What do we have to talk about you ask? That question never ceases to amaze me. You'd think after ten months of talking every day for that long you would run out of things to say, but it happens on a rare occasion. You'd think we haven't seen each other in a year. Like, only when both of us are falling asleep and are too lazy to say goodnight is when we are both pretty quiet. (That's when I knew I found "the one.") Yes, we have fallen asleep before while still on the phone!

Anyway, right before we end our FaceTime dates, we always have our "I love you more than," battles. Winning constitutes as topping the other and hanging up before anything else is said. We get really creative, even down to making our own rule book. Because apparently I cheated tonight...?

I guess I can handle this kind of getting beat. 

God bless the broken road.

via: imforevergrateful.tumbler

Have you ever had those moments (or longer than moments) when you thought a ship was sailed? Or when you feel stupid that you asked for certain things that you thought were the best? Well, since God is...a god...He kinda has some idea on how He could make things better. All He needs to do that is your patience, your patience, and...you guessed it, your patience. 

I want to point out two scriptures that illustrate my point perfectly:

25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:25-26)

14 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time. (D&C 6:14)

I just can never comprehend the massiveness of possibilities The Lord has in store for us. And no, I am not talking about earthly achievements. I'm talking about pure happiness...and the state of mind that comes with that. A lot of people think my happiness as being Monica comes from serving in the best mission in the world (true), working in Washington, D.C., being in Young Ambassadors, or whatever. All this stuff I've been doing lately sets me up for failure, stress, and looking totally stupid. Let's be honest, it does already. I have no idea what I'm doing! Although it is all labeled, "fun," I had to work WAY harder than I ever thought I needed to in the first place...and that's where this happiness I have comes from. It's from failing, millions of times, and then something finally sticking. It's going after everything I possibly could, and getting only about 5% of what I work for. But that small amount from the other 95% I thought was better, is what was "the best" for me. I took an insane amount of detours, but how does that song go? God bless the broken road.

Just because it isn't happening RIGHT NOW, doesn't mean it will never happen. Believe me, He is running marathons for you up there. Take some time to believe it.

Oh, it is wonderful.

I am so simply amazed at how much Heavenly Father knows that I don't. That may seem completely, blatantly obvious. But think about it...

via: pinterest.com

HE MADE THAT. From all the stars in the world, all of the planets that didn't just "happen" to come together...my Father knows me. Not only does He know me, but He loves me perfectly, too. And it's not something He just learned overnight.

I recently finished a book entitled, "The God Who Weeps." No, it's not a sad book at all, don't worry! It's specifically for those who love to think a little bit deeper about how much God really knows you. I would highly recommend it. It taught me more clearly that He is a person, He is your Father, and He gets it.

There is a whole grand scheme of things that is specifically tailored to each of us. None of us understand it all, nor have the same Grand Plan, and it's up to us if we actually get there. We let go completely of our will, and turn it over to Him. But guess what? When you do that--He gives you more than you could ever dream possible. I've trained myself to think when something bad happens, I never feel like He has ever let me down. I feel as if He has lifted me up to a higher plane of thought and opportunity. And that is the best feeling in the world.

It really all comes down to one word: hope. He knows what you want. He just wants to turn it into something even better.

Peace with the unknown.

As most people do, I was listening in church. Even if you catch a fourth of Sacrament meeting, you're golden. Thankfully, this phrase was one of those things I caught:

"Be at peace with the unknown."

So it's probably a heck of a lot easier to just say that, but to actually do it? That's a different story. It's called the eternal perspective. My poor companions have heard me talk about this, but it really is the thing that saves my life. It's something I've been experimenting with since I was little kid. It all started with my dad. He is easily the most loving father on the face of the earth, and through just being who he is, he taught me how Heavenly Father works: as long as you work as hard as you can, no matter how cute you are, no matter how much money you have...you'll always have enough. So, "become as a little child, meek, submissive, full of love," and it's OK to not know what you're going to do tomorrow, next year, or even in the next five years. If you work, and the key word is IF, you'll always have your hands full...

"Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side...all safe and blessed, we shall meet at last." -Be Still, My Soul

Temporary local.

This will be a travel log-slash-what it's been before. The District of Columbia is way too neat of a place to not share.

Yesterday, Instead of being a "kind of local," I was most definitely a tourist. After figuring out how I need to get from door to door starting tomorrow morning, I took myself around DC. Since it was close, I went straight to the Capitol building:

And since it was Saturday, it was closed, so no tours. But because I will be the ones giving the tours shortly, it didn't really matter. Then, I had to go see the Constitution and Declaration of Independence since they are fading fast. So I walked down the street to the National Archives:

With the security guard thinking he was Eddie Murphy, it made the long line not as lonely by myself. But once I got in, it was so worth it. I wish I could have taken pictures in the Rotunda where those documents are held, because it was absolutely incredible. I thought about what Nephi recorded about the coming forth of a free nation. Read 2 Nephi 10. Then, it was off to the American History Museum:

My favorite thing there (out of the thirty minutes I had) was to look at the wardrobes of the First Ladies. I wish I would have gotten pictures--oh well. Let's be honest, I wish I could have tried them all on!

I am so excited to get a personal relationship with this place. It's good to be back in the East. And talk about missionary experiences...He will give them to you if you ask--that's for sure!

Uniform.

I made it! I had quite an eventful journey. 

While sitting on the runway in Salt Lake City waiting for the plane to de-ice, (and for most of the flight) I read all of the published accounts of the First Vision. I kept thinking, "How do all these people on here not know about this?" My second thought was, "I wonder how many missionaries are trying to get a hold of someone here." As I kept reading, I pondered a lot over the fact that Joseph had to actually make a conscious decision to choose light over darkness, and that many people don't realize it's a choice. That definitely made my first leg of the trip a lot quicker.

In Dallas, I only had a few minutes to get to my connecting flight, so I grabbed some lunch and sat down next to a girl my age. We had a fantastic conversation about her religion called, "The Brethren." (Well, for short. I can't remember the whole name.) I was so curious as to--first of all--her wardrobe, what their baptism consisted of, their living arrangements, etc. Her name was Hannah, and I could tell was ready for a reaction from me when she said there were seven kids in her family. I just laughed and said, "My dad is the youngest of ten!" That's when she felt more comfortable to answer more questions that I was shooting at her. After Hannah answered all of mine, she started to ask the same questions back. We discussed the devoted lifestyle we had in common, and was especially impressed when she told me that she is proud to be seen in the dress and bonnet she made herself. "You know how the military wears a uniform," she said, "That's how I feel about it. No one questions what I believe when they look at me."

How cool is she? And why don't we all think like that? So many of us try to hide our real identity in order to "fit in." But for those of you who understand anything about the Church, you know we were not made to "fit in." We we're put here to stand out and build the Kingdom.

One of my favorite scriptures in the Doctrine and Covenants that I always have running through my mind in a time like that is, "But verily I say unto you, that it is not needful for this whole company of mine elders to be moving swiftly upon the waters, whilst the inhabitants on either side are perishing in unbelief." (D&C 61:3) What good does it do to serve a mission, come home, and never speak about the gospel in public again? If you feel weird about it, maybe you should see if you actually believe it yourself. Please don't use any soap boxes, because that would be strange. But why can't you just ask questions? Remember: "Enthusiasm overcomes all obstacles."

Anyway, I'm here in my cute little house in Virginia, about ready to give myself a tour of the city. And after church tomorrow--dinner at the mission home followed by a night at the Visitors' Center. I'M BACK! But this time, with my own uniform on.

Good things to come.

"But Christ being come an high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands..." -Hebrews 9:11

I had a really great personal study this morning. Out of all the wording that Paul could have been inspired with, He described Christ as being this Prince that could always swear by the promises He has made (which are tailored to us that we can learn by regular temple attendance.) Paul goes onto describe that hope is an "anchor to the soul." Just think for a moment what an anchor does, and the relationship it has to the boat and water, etc. 

via: vineetkaur.tumblr.com

Then, a chapter later (in my opinion) is one of the greatest written passages of all-time:

"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;

Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used.

For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.

Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.

But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul."

-Hebrews 10:31-39

There are good things to come in the next five minutes, there are good things to come within the next week, and there are even good things to come in 2014. You'll never go back to 2013, so there is no point in worrying about something that will never happen again. Hope is completely embracing the promises that He has handed to us; it's wrapping your entire body around the iron rod and holding onto it for dear life. 

There are good things to come. And the best part? He always keeps it a surprise.

Food storage.

I'm not baby hungry, I promise. 

I'm just really taking advantage of the whole holding-kids-post-mission thing. 

I got to have dinner and FHE with my best friend's brother and sister-in-law this week, but what I really loved was them giving me priceless advice after the kids went to bed. I really liked the analogy that I'm building up spiritual food storage at this time in my life. There will be a time where I will need to use my food storage, but because I can afford it in mass amounts right now, I need to really stock up. They have a fantastic family, so I take everything they say pretty seriously!

I also got to go to Temple Square with some of my mission friends, then see the ACTUAL Smith Patented Printing Press that printed the first 5,000 copies of the Book of Mormon. I can't tell you how many times the words,"no, that's not the original, it's in Salt Lake City," came out of my mouth in New York. I just felt very proud seeing it, and knowing that Alison and I got to be two of many sisters that defended what happened on that press.

That's pretty much my weekly update, with lots of working  at BYU in between. I just found out I get to work with the media back in D.C. along with being "the intern," so that's pretty exciting news. 

So yes, I am building my food storage--one scripture read and one little miracle written down at a time.

Building my bridge.

My mom calls them bridges. It's those awkward periods in life where you are coming from one thing and going onto the next. Sometimes it's fun to be on them, but if you're on one very long, you get very anxious. Fortunately, I'm building mine pretty fast.

Friday, Allie and I went all out and made it a girls' night--manicures and pedicures included! Finishing out the night cuddling with her while watching 

"The Emporor's New Groove," however, was the best part.

Saturday, right before our session at the Salt Lake Temple, Kadi and I tried to go to Taco Bell for some authentic Mexican food. But of course, on our way, we saw a sign for "New York Delicatessan," and said no more. It was really cool hanging out with my first companion again. Especially our adventures the next night...

After failing to find a single-adult group our age (walking into a 31+ single 

adult activity is kind of embarassing) we ended up here.

Everyone keeps asking me how the transition is going. Really, every returned missionary that talked to me about it before I left New York scared me into coming home--and I think that's what helped! Although everything I do seems pointless, I know in the long run it isn't really. Everyone has made it a very smooth landing back down to earth. I enjoy trying to put my life back together, because I get to start at ground zero. I don't have to do anything I did before, and I don't have to remember any stupid things I did in my pre-mission life. I scored one big tabula rasa.

The best advice was from President Francis. In my exit interview, we counted up the times that I prayed in a day as a missionary, which turned about to be about 30-40 times. He noted that it really wasn't going to be that much anymore, because of a total decrease in lessons taught, companion/site study, etc. However, if I kept up a constant communication with Heavenly Father, by trying to pray just as much, it would be a great landing. My scripture study and strict temple attendance have been crucial in my sanity as well. I didn't even want to risk dropping off the spiritual map.

Let's be honest, though...the biggest I've help I've had is from Jesus Christ. He doesn't just help His full-time missionaries, He helps all of His children. Anytime something gets even close to more than I can handle, I hand it over to Him. He can't do it for me, but He sure can help me find a better way. It's a heck of a lot easier to hand it over to Him from the beginning. 

Eternal perspective, people...it really helps. You can do anything for five minutes. It's basically the same idea with God; our life is like five minutes long in His eyes. 

So yes, the transition has been fantastic.

Why I'm leaving for a year and a half.

"2 The light and the life of the world, a light which shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not; 3 Who so loved the world that he gave his own life, that as many as would believe might become the sons of God. Wherefore you are my son; 4 And blessed are you because you have believed; 5 And more blessed are you because you are called of me to preach my gospel-- 6 To lift up your voice as with the sound of a trump, both long and loud, and cry repentance unto a crooked and perverse generation, preparing the way for the Lord for his second coming." -Doctrine and Covenants 34:2-6


When I came across this, I knew I had finally pinpointed a reason as to why I was actually going on a mission. I'm not going to delay school or dating, or to get out of Provo, or even just to take a break from life. This most definitely is not taking a break, and I'm learning it's going to be a bigger sacrifice than I thought. I've always had such a strong desire to serve and now have fully committed myself--with no backing out now. 


Which was why I really appreciated "Who so loved the world that he gave his own life." Christ came down and dedicated his entire earthly life to the Father. 18 months really isn't a big deal. However, I didn't really think of the self-sacrifice I actually had to make when I turned in my papers. I knew I'd be leaving for awhile, but I just figured there's been hundreds of thousands of missionaries that have done it, so I would obviously have no problem. HA.


It's funny how I've subconsiously grown a lot closer to people that I now realize I will miss. As of now, I'm convinced this is my biggest sacrifice. I absolutely hate saying goodbye...I could maybe never see these people again. But it's given me a lot of comfort repeating the quote by President Hinckley in my head that I literally have to tell myself daily:


"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make."


I know the next year and a half will change my life. Not only will it change my life, but it will change the life of my the man I someday will marry, our future kids, and especially the people I teach. I couldn't imagine having an opportunity present itself like this--and not jumping at the chance. Because everything in life is worth the wait if it has anything to do with the Lord's work. When these next two weeks are up, and all my "fun" is out, I'm putting my personal life in a small, little box in the back of my head. Of course I'll get homesick, but plowing through is my only option, with my head being completely immersed in missionary work. 


Bring it on.

He said what?

Have you ever had a person tell you that there was no way you could do something, or that you weren't good enough?

It's definitely happened to me. By a professor, actually. He even laughed at me. I was very surprised and very taken back. And you know what? I did it better and faster than I even thought I could. Well...that's embarrassing. Ha!

So if you're on the side where you are telling someone they can't do something, you're going to look stupid. Even if you have a PhD attached to your name, it doesn't mean you're automatically mature. They'll just take it as a challenge. Be careful what you say.

If you're on the other side...just do it. You can do it, and you can do it well. I'm a strong believer in accomplishing whatever you set your mind to. Don't let anybody step in your way for anything. 

"When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or can let it strengthen you." -Anon.

Project update.

TGIF! I'm glad it's Friday already. It's been quite a week. I've packed lots and lots into my 12 hour days on campus. I really do love being on campus. And my activities have been quite diverse throughout the day..that's probably the main reason why college loves me. I just want to give a quick update on some projects coming my way:

First. I get to do Sirius XM Radio for BYUradio in the mornings! Yesterday was my first day, and I really enjoyed it. Talk about not having to get camera angles and/or editing skills. It is so much easier. However, easier...probably isn't the word I want to use. It's a lot harder for radio folks to grab the audience's attention, because all they have to use is their voice. I'll get to do a few stories, but mostly I'm in production helping with the flow of traffic. 

Second. I'm going on a super fun date to the World Aerial Championships at Deer Valley next Friday. Can I wait? No. Maybe I'll post some pictures.

Third. This is the best, so I've saved it for last. I get to cover the Jazz/Kings game tomorrow night in Salt Lake City. I get paid to watch Jimmer play back in Utah for the first time again? Against the Jazz? You've got to be kidding me. This must be my lucky day. More like my lucky year. I'm STOKED. I'll have my trusty cameraman and we'll go shoot interviews, b-roll, and stand-ups. And...it's my first story for BYUtv Sports. My debut as a sports reporter! So don't judge it too harshly. I'm not going to lie, I am pretty darn nervous to have my first one be about the NBA. Talk about pressure. Anyway, watch for me this coming Monday at 6 p.m. on True Blue on BYUtv. If you miss the show, don't worry. My story will be on YouTube, and byutvsports.com forever. (And let's be honest, I'll probably post it on here.)

I know, I know. My whole life is revolved around television. I feel like that's all I post about. But of course, when I'm engaged, it will be all about wedding stuff, when I have kids...well, I probably won't have time to do this blog thing. But if I do, it will be all about them. For now, I feel like my whole life is behind the scenes of broadcasting. And I'm loving every second of it.

New Year's Resolutions.

Well here you have it, folks. I guess since everyone is bound to do a New Year Resolution post, here's mine. This is not what I hope to accomplish in 2012, this is what will happen.

• Not be on a diet. I'm already making a lifestyle change...on how much I love chocolate. We're getting there.
• Land a fantastic internship in Boston with Romney 2012 when he wins the Republican Primary. (And the White House.)
• Never see a single digit dollar amount in my checking account. And put more in savings.
• Learn to love cooking/baking. My wife 101 class last semester have dramatically increased my skills already.
• Pick up yoga. I need to take advantage of those classes at Gold's Gym.
• Have an unforgettable 21st birthday.
• Be in the best shape of my life. The goal is to always be in the best shape of my life...
• Get to know my Savior even better by continuing my weekly temple attendance.

There's obviously more things I'll do, but I probably won't publish them online. Sorry. 2011 was a fantastic year. But, I just know that 2012 is going to be unbelievable. Every year I get older, there's always seems to be ten times more exciting things happening in my life. And I'm just antsy waiting to find out what they are already!