Settled down.

I used to have a thousand blog topics running through my head. That was, until I got married. I know, you hear it from everyone, "Once you get married your life will change. You'll never have the same life again." And you know what, that's exactly right!

Those six years I had of being single and free were amazing! I got to travel across the country, answer to no one, make my own schedule, and life was so fast-paced. I remember performing every other weekend and going home on the other weekends if I didn't have any food left.

Now I have certain amount of vacation days, and a hungry husband at dinnertime. You're probably thinking the negative way. And I'm sure some people take it in a negative way for their own lives! But me--not a chance. Getting married was the best thing I've ever done. 

I love having someone to take care of me--and only me. (While that lasts!)

I love not going to bed alone. 

I love going on crazy adventures because we aren't in the dating stage anymore. 

I love having someone that counts on me for their everyday life. 

I love decorating our own place.

I love staying up late and laughing about weird things.

I love having someone to talk to when things don't go as planned.

I love dreaming about what our future will be like.

Now, even though I loved my life before I met my husband, I couldn't imagine life without him. He's been gone on a business trip these last couple of days, and man--his personality brings so much joy into my life! I'm that wife that counts down the hours to when I can see him again. Only 24 more to go. So many people tell their friends their husband is their "best friend," but when I say he's my best friend--for real, HE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

I've finally settled down with my best friend.

A Divine Calling.

I came across this quote yesterday that puts perfectly into words what I want to shout to the world.

“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for." -Rachel Jankovic

Elder Neil L. Anderson of the Quorum of the Twelve quoted this in his talk entitled, Children, from the October 2011 LDS General Conference. I find it so intriguing that people can think their workplace, the gym, or Whole Foods is so necessary that children can be a second thought. It's interesting how one thinks they are entitled to a certain "dream life," but who is to say that children aren't? They are as much, if not more entitled to the ultimate "dream life" of both a mother and a father. I am just so incredibly excited to be a mom, and I've had about ten friends give birth in the past two weeks, thus all of the blog posts about it. But don't worry, I'm loving this stage of my life. Sometimes, I do tend to look forward to the next big thing, but Kasey has taught me a lot about enjoying every second I'm alive. I'll never be in this stage of engagement again, and we'll only be newlyweds for a bit compared to eternity...so life is great. I'll be a mom soon enough.

But, remember the quote. It's our job as Latter-day Saints not to shout this message in our neighbor's ear, but to teach by example. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Don't tell them what we do, show them what we do.

We do not doubt.

Who knows if I've posted this before...I don't think it really matters. It's just like reading the scriptures, different things jump out at you at different points in your life, and I guess that's just what happened to me today. 

In the last part of Alma 56, Helaman is talking to his brother, Moroni. Now, to put it in context just a bit, there are a million things that Helaman could have said. There was a huge war going on against the Lamanites, and if I were him, I'd probably tell him my war strategies, maybe something funny that happened...I don't know! But look at what he immediately tells him:

"And now I say unto you, my beloved brother Moroni, that never had I seen so great courage, may, not amongst all the Nephites." (v. 45)

He is referring to these two thousand little boys that are in his army. Okay, the only people that make up his army. He calls them "young" men throughout the chapter, and I really start to think of what he means by "young." Remember back then how it was normal for girls to have babies at age 14? And how you became a real person at age 12? I might be exaggerating, but probably not by much. Helaman keeps on commenting how extremely young these men are, and I figure that he would lightly dust over the topic if they were of a mature enough age. Apparently they weren't. Here's just one example:

"For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very young)... 

And check this out, this is what they were thinking while in the middle of the war...no wonder God told us to be like little children:

"...even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall; then let us go forth..." (v. 46)

Wow. All of them said that? Well, look at what else Helaman has to say about them. And another thing to remember...he really wants us to know this because he is not just typing this all out on a Word document, he is etching into brass/copper/gold with a hammer all of these letters one by one. You think they're important? Yeah. Anyway, check this out:

"Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death..." Whaatttt?! "...and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea..." and this is my favorite part, "they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

The moral of the story is not that we should travel back in time and be like the two-thousand stripling warriors, it is that we still have time left to be those mothers and fathers they are talking about. Obviously, I think about this subject a lot! I am so excited to have my own family. I want to teach them principles like these from the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I want to give them life experiences that will help them grow farther than they ever thought possible, just like these very young strippling warriors. I know it will be challenging, and I'll won't be able to take one day off.

But from what I hear, it's worth it.

New Year.

I'm seven days too late for this post, but who keeps track of that anyway? 

This will most likely be the most new year I will ever experience. I will get a new home, gain a new family, write a new last name...I would say get a new husband, but you get the point. Only 160 days left until I get to write a "Mrs.," in front of my name, and absolutely I have NOT practiced that if you're wondering! Please detect the sarcasm.

Anyway, I will experience change much more than I have in the past. Sure, the past three years I've moved seven times, but I'm sure nothing compares to marriage. It will be such an exciting year, as it has been already this past week! I also am graduating from BYU, which back in 2009, I thought would take an entire lifetime. I'll never have a "first day of school" again, that is until I mercilessly take pictures of my children on their first day of school! 

I've been pondering a lot on what I can do in 2015 to set the stage for an ideal home to raise our children in. I keep coming back to the family Proclamation, and realizing over and over again that each key ingredient to a God-centered home is written out plain and simple in that thing. One phrase that has been highlighted in my mind lately is:

"Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." -The Family: A Proclamation To The World


What gets me every time is the word, entitled. That's right. Each child born, no matter what circumstance, has a right to be born to a mother and a father who love each other. There are things only a mother can do, and there are things only a father can do. It is absolutely essential for children to be raised in a home where the father has the Priesthood, and the mother is always present in that child's life. Obviously, not very many of the children in this world get that. I'm willing to bet it's less than a 2%. But that doesn't mean that 100% of our children can't have that. 

2015 will be a year of lots of fun and lots of learning. I'm so ready to start!

Light at the end of the tunnel.

In two weeks from right now, I will be done with my second to last semester of college, and cuddling up on a couch in Florida. Let's just say it's going to have to take major brain power to get through these two weeks.

Young Ambassadors is wrapped up for the year (see above picture...favorite moment of our Christmas party) and I'm full swing into homework and actually really doing a good job at it. Usually I have a bazillion other things to do at this time of year, but for some reason, it's extremely manageable. Actually, wait...I know why. It's because my mission helped me get rid of my horrible procrastination habit, and I'm pretty on top of things! I shoulda done this mission thing sooner.

The past few weeks have been fantastic, just finishing up projects, finishing CoogTube and ElevenNews, and giving me time to s.l.e.e.p! I've gotten lots of sleep, and lots of homework in, which is much needed come January when we have a performance or two (or three) every weekend. Um...I'm not kidding.

Here is our CoogTube crew. I was the executive producer along with Sydney...we had such a great time. Our 325ers are just so excited they survived!

Last but not least, I was just so excited I got to hang out with my family so much and do pretty much nothing. We went to the lights on Temple Square with some friends and had a great time. Nothing says bring on Christmas like those lights!

Speaking of Christmas...too bad it will be the first time I'll for sure not get a white one. Say hello to beaches, 70 degree weather and swimsuits! Oh yeah, and we can't forget this guy:

No mom, I will not be riding a motorcycle...

List of Thankfulness.

As with tradition, and I know it's very cliche, but I love that people make lists of what they're thankful for during the beginning of the Holiday season. It just makes it that much better for the rest of the last of the year. 

Here goes...and yes in particular order this time:

1. A Heavenly Father that loves me. Everyone's got this one. But the trick here is that most people don't know it. I wish most people realized this, because my broadcast journalism major probably wouldn't be in existence if people did.

2. A family that loves me. Now this one is a little different...not everyone has this. I continue to realize this every day. I am so happy that my whole family is healthy (well, somewhat) and happy (yes, very much so) and we all still get along. Dad didn't think that was going to happen about 15 years ago...proved him wrong!

3. Friends who love me. Well, namely in particular one friend that's a boy that some people call "boyfriends," but I don't even think that name does him justice. Kasey is the perfect mix of a hunk, a protector, a best friend, a solid rock that's never going anywhere...you get the idea. Everything but a girlfriend, that's for sure...

4. A mission. I get caught up in saying, "my mission," but it was never mine. It was His--the One who really taught me how to love. My heart always is in New York and it takes only about half a second for someone to say something that triggers a memory, therefore making me more grateful for the hardest thing I've ever done.


If you didn't realize this--all of these have to do with love. I seriously need to live off love. Well, I better end this post because I need to go braid some bacon.

Top Ten Moments of 2013.

It's mostly from the mission. Okay, it's all from the mission. It's totally outweighed everything else I've done this year. Obviously.

January. Stephanie got baptized. She was the first one I taught from start to finish. That girl's testimony is the size of the Pacific Ocean. Speaking of which, she put faith into perspective for me by teaching me that, "Faith is a small dot in the middle of a big ocean. That's all you need" Smart girl.

March. Sister Johnson and I made a cake for President in hopes of bribing him to keep us together in Brockport one more transfer. It was more like bribing the Spirit, which usually doesn't work, but this time it did!

March 14. Easily the best birthday present...we went to the Sacred Grove and Smith Farm for district meeting. There is something about discussing Joseph right where he grew up. It never got old.

  

May. After a long, exhausting day, I came home to Sister Beardsley in my bed. Our roommates got more of the effect they wanted when I turned the lights on myself! It completely lightened my mood and let me know that missionary work is actually supposed to be fun.

June. President Christianson's last Zone Conference. And...it was in the Grove. 

July. Hill Cumorah Pageant 2013. I got to spend a lot more time with the cast than usual...we were Cast Trainers who gave them missionary workshops, pointers, etc. The only three weeks on my mission I felt like a celebrity!

September. Meeting Britani. Teaching her. Seeing her be bapzited. Taking her through the sites. She is the epitome of having having the gospel "written in her heart." Britani just gets it, and I'm so lucky to be one of the two that got to teach her.

October. My exit interview. Probably (definitely) the best experience I've ever had in the Grove. It was the perfect way to end an 18 month journey in the Cradle of the Restoration.  Even though I've had many experiences in this place, this one sealed my testimony of what happened to Joseph with his Older Brother and Father.

October (the next day.) The best surprise of my life. Ten minutes before I boarded this plane, I wrote in my journal, "I don't think I've ever felt more alone." There obviously were a lot of tears at the scene. I don't think I stopped talking the whole flight...my mom is a trooper.

2013 was the best year of my life. But guess what?

O Christmas Tree.

There is a tree in my house. With lights on it. And presents underneath. (Well, they were.) That is really kinda weird.

But check this out:

"Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-colored pictures, such as she had seen in the shop windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree...she saw them now as stars in Heaven." -Hans Christian Andersen

Changes your perspective, doesn't it?

Merry Christmas!

Happy golden days.

Only three more weeks left. Then I get on a plane back to the East Coast! Meanwhile, I haven't really had any fun at all...

Once I got on the ski lift, that's when I felt REALLY home. The resort was practically empty...and I'm not lying when I say the round trip of each run wasn't even ten minutes long. Which then, of course, I had President Christianson's voice running through my head, "A ski lift is an incredible missionary tool. You have them trapped for eight minutes." 

I tried my best to talk to the one man sitting next to us that one time, but the other fourteen times it was just me and Dad. Don't worry, we still were each other's missionaries as we discussed his lesson on Joseph Smith in High Priests for today. (Yes, I got to come in to the class and add my five cents as Joseph's personal testimony-guard.) So, it was a great doctrine-filled day, along with filling my need for speed that I haven't been able to suppress for the past two years.  

Then the day finished off at the perfect place with some of my favorite people.

"Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore. Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more."

-Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I'll be home for [Thanksgiving.]

The holidays have arrived! We're leaving right now to go up to this place:

Tetonia, ID

It's obviously not this green anymore...

And there is now snow on the ground.

So remember how I was talking about my bridge the other week? It keeps getting better. I think the only reason it gets better is because I've kept a miracle journal, and I can go back and actually see what I prayed for and what happened. It's amazing the things you think you'll remember, but you really don't until you go back and look. Like this for instance...

...I got my job back at BYUtv! I start right after I get back from Washington, D.C.. Before my mission, I worked as a PA for BYUtv sports--total dream job as a student, right? That was one of the hardest things to let go to serve, and I prayed a lot to be okay with it. Although sometimes it's hard for missionaries to come back and start sprinting right as they rush into life, that was something I knew The Lord would help me out with. Not specifically that job, but enjoying life and working hard to make it seem seamless.

Speaking of being on TV and Thanksgiving...they would have never allowed me to if I had worked there ten years ago:

Thanksgiving 2003/2013 with Felicia and Mary

Happy Thanksgiving!

Song of the week:

"I've got nothing left to lose, but I'm no pair of dancing shoes...Don't push but don't hesitate. 
Wake me from this slumber...Rush me, but leave time to wake." -Gavin DeGraw

Concept of hope.

“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.” -C.S. Lewis

I think I started to understand the concept of faith on one of our trips to Disneyland...

                                                                            

Even when you're not a little kid, it really is as magical as everyone says it is. I don't think anyone could ever go to Disneyland and have a bad day (unless you're really trying to.) It put a hope in my life at such a young age, and gave something to me that I couldn't quite pin down. I didn't have to logically explain why it kept a smile on my face--it just did. 

Alison, Maddie and I went to President Christianson's institute class on Wednesday. He said, "Are you going to question the heart surgeon because you don't know how it works? I don't understand it one bit. And that's why I love it." 

He went on to talk about how none of us really have any idea how He will accomplish this huge task of "saving the world." When we were missionaries, I remember President saying the reason it sounds so familiar, and why we feel a pull to be more faithful is because it's literally in our DNA. It's in our nature to be like Him.  So C.S. Lewis is exactly right. We already have a glimpse of Heaven inside of us. We have to find that talent, that little something that God has given us, and use it to our fullest potential in order to find some sort of concept of hope.

Anyway, onto the events of the week. This one was probably the most fun besides the institute class on Wednesday:

NYRM groupies to the best intramural game on Thursday at 9. I've missed BYU.

Wednesday is the day!

It's about time! I enter the MTC on the 16th. Finally. I also just got my MTC address e-mailed to me today. I posted both MTC and Mission, plus e-mail on here. In case anyone wants to write me. (hint hint)


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It is pretty surreal knowing I have only a few days left here at home. Then I have a year and a half of growing up to do. I've learned a lot about myself since I got my call six weeks ago. As much as I think I'm ready, it's going to hit me like a brick sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later so I can get a move-on.


I've loved these past few weeks spending so much time with my friends and family. I have realized more and more that the Lord puts exactly who you need in your life. That's selfish of me to say that--I wish I could say that I've touched more lives than have touched mine. I am blessed to say that I have THE best cousins, friends, roommates, aunts, uncles...etc, that are the ones truly helping me on my mission. Without their support, I would not be packing up my life and leaving everything I love here, to find the capacity to love even more in New York.


I probably shouldn't be writing this...I should be writing my farewell talk that I have to give Sunday. It starts at 9 a.m. at the church across the street from my house, with lunch right after sacrament meeting in my yard. Everyone is invited! 

Lucky.

I wonder. I really really wonder sometimes.


How did I get so lucky to have the best parents in the world? Yes, this is a shout-out to you, mom and dad...you can thank me later when you blog-stalk me when I'm in the MTC. I'll brag about them for a bit. My dad is always right (well, most of the time) and my mom is super smart. My dad is respected by everyone he meets, and my mom can get anyone to listen to her, believe her, and follow her. Every time I get to be the tag-a-long, I beam with pride.

How did I get so lucky to land this job and work with the greatest people ever? Yes, I did just work 20 hours since yesterday morning, but I wasn't bored one second. I l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y. have the best [student] job in the world.

How did I get so lucky to live with my cousins in college? Living with people you're best friends with and comfortable with is HUGE in having a great college experience. I'm going to miss it. But we've already got the lady RM club set up when I get back!

How did I get so lucky to have the opportunity to serve a mission? I didn't think I'd have the time or ability...but it has presented itself perfectly. I also have to throw in how beyond ecstatic/excited/joyful/beaming/overjoyed/tickled pink I am to serve in Upstate New York. All I cared about was that my will was the Lord's on the location of my call, and that I would get to talk to as many people as possible with the time I have been given. Hill Cumorah pageant anyone? 4,000+ people a day?! And I get to serve at two of them? I just cry every time I think about the magnitude of this. I'll control myself.

I'm obviously paying attention in class.

How did I get so lucky to have the best siblings in the world? All gorgeous, smart, and funny. And Jake will be taller than me when I get back! Poor girl that has to marry him...she's going to have a hard time getting through his big sisters. Even though we used to hate each other, we're all best friends. Except when dad comes and thinks he's the state champion in wrestling again. Then it gets ugly.

How did I get so lucky to be born a member of the Church? Who knows what would have happened if I would have been taught by the missionaries. Or never had the chance in my life at all? I sure hope I would have grasped on. Well, I don't have to dwell on it, because I am a member, and I'm so happy.

How did I get so lucky to have the Lord trust me so much? ...sometimes I feel like He trusts me a little bit too much. Like I said. 4,000+ people a day? Well, if He called me there, He thinks I can do it. And I know we can do it. It's a team effort--me and Him.


See, I told you all my posts would be churchy from now on. 

Flashback.

My childhood days are over! That's so weird. I've been looking through a bunch of pictures my mom as recently scanned for a family project...and I can't help but share them! I know nobody probably will care, but I do, and I really enjoy reminiscing. Somehow I can't find any Junior High pics...that was the segment of my life where my mother only took video. Thankfully that was during "the awkward stage." 

My life as a blonde:

Grandpa Wells and I in Conneticut

We used to be the favorite children...when we were the only children.

Grandma Wells...my babysitter whenever mom was ESPNing!

First day of 1st grade. I think my bangs are bigger than my face.

Thanksgiving Family Portrait...'97? Maybe?

Trip with mom to Guadalajara, Mexico.

This is the first and only time we ever went out for a New Year. We're not really party animals.

I have nothing good to say about this picture. This is just the very beginning of "the awkward stage."
(Before I made the CJH basketball team and got whooped into shape.) Don't worry, it got worse.

9th grade...my trip to ESPN that kickstarted my love for the business.

Junior year...I think. Bowling night with the girls!

I love these women. Graduation '09.

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." -Anon.

The day after.

...and I thought I'd be bored over the Holidays. Yeah, right. I am most definitely more busy now than I was during Fall semester! But, that really isn't saying anything. An hour of homework a week does not count as "busy." I will have a lot more homework this semester, however. Anyway, there's only been a couple of times where I've just been sitting around the past two weeks. It's a good thing!


So, the day after Christmas is always a bummer. No one really wants to take the lights or the tree down, just because we still want the spirit of Christmas. And we must wait until 2012 to do this all over again. 364 days?? At least I don't have to work or go to class until next week. I guess there is still New Year's Eve, but I don't have any plans yet. Hopefully I'll get some soon, so I have something to look forward to.


Christmas 2011 was the best Christmas yet. I say that every year, though. Christmas always just keeps getting better at the Hawkes home. It may have been the fact that we didn't spend very much money on presents, or that Jake spent hundreds of hours making useful (very useful, I might add) presents for us in his wood-shop class, or maybe that we were just all together again. I do love coming home for long periods of time, because it reminds me I wasn't born in Provo, and I that still have a life outside of campus. It's almost like I can feel the stress decrease when I drive down from the point of the mountain, out of Utah County. I'm not really looking forward to going back next Sunday night, but at least I'll have all of my BYU friends in one place again. 


I am looking forward to going back to school, though. However, I'm not looking forward to the LONG Winter semester. Is it just me, or is Winter semester always the longest? I do love meeting new people in my classes, changing the subjects I study completely, and just getting a fresh new start. I have so much to look forward to this semester, and especially 2012. I can just feel that it's going to be the best year yet. There will be plenty of ups and downs, but overall, it's gonna be fantastic. 


Here's a little look into the Hawkes family Christmas week:

Jake's birthday is the 23rd. Poor kid. We give him all of his presents
on June 23rd, so he doesn't get ripped off too much. He's 14 now!
(Also, do not judge us on our cake-decorating talents.)

Christmas PJ tradition. Mom wanted a "photo-shoot" look.

So jealous of Jake's new goggles...we better get on the mountain soon!
As soon as there is 10 more feet of snow.

Annual family photo.

Merry Christmas!

Love is Christmas.

"Christmas--that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance--a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved." -Augusta E. Rundel

Christmas '10

Everything I've ever loved during Christmastime:

• A family that's still together.
• A strong house that I've been blessed to live in my whole life.
• Watching hours of bowl games and basketball.
• Having absolutely nothing important to do. (See above.)
• Watching my little siblings open their presents.
• Singing Christmas songs while wearing a thousand yards of purple fabric. (Madrigals. Ahh, the memories.)
• Knowing all of the people that saw me grow up are currently within a 2 mile radius.
• Cuddling/crying/laughing with my sisters while watching The Notebook.
• Seeing the lights on Temple Square.
• That cinnamon spice smell!

"I don't care if the house is packed, or the strings of lights are broken. I don't care if the gifts are wrapped, or there's nothing here to open. Love is not a toy, and no paper will conceal it. Love is simply joy, that I'm home." 

-Sara Bareilles, Love is Christmas

Two days people!